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There was this girl.
She was young, pretty, and quite insecure about herself.
Singing was her biggest passion in life, consuming her mind at all hours of the day. All she wanted to do was sing.
She fought many voices in her head telling her she wasn’t good enough, that nobody wanted to hear her sing. Most days, she let those voices dictate her choices about her singing.
Perhaps you are all too familiar with this scenario.
Many people that I know who love to sing are scared to sing out. They are scared to learn the necessary skills to overcome any fears they may have about singing.
There might be a science behind it, but you may also just be psyching yourself out. Oftentimes stress before or during singing is linked back to a traumatic event in your life. Other times it’s simply holding on to negative feedback you may have gotten at one time or another.
If you have ever heard the song “Shy” from Once Upon a Mattress, you know it’s unusual. As a listener, you fully expect the song to be quiet and timid, and then it turns out to be the complete opposite.
That is exactly where you want to be when you find yourself ready to perform. But it’s not that easy, is it?
How do you know if you have stage fright? A description from this article sums up what it feels like:
“Stage fright is a phobia that produces a symphony of coordinated biological reactions. Muscles contract, priming the body with bursts of energy. Blood vessels in the extremities constrict, resulting in tingling and numbness. An increase in heart rate produces sweat. Stage fright is the body’s natural alarm response to emergency situations”
While there is not a specific word to describe the fear of singing (in front of people or not), glossophobia refers to a fear of public speaking. This fear is quite similar in that you put yourself and your ideas (or in this case, your voice) out in public for others to scrutinize.
Does this sound like you?
Some people love to sing, just not in front of people. There is something extremely intimidating about pairs’ of eyes watching you. It might make a difference for you if it’s a small crowd or a large gathering. For some singers, it could be just one person that throws them off.
You are wondering if they are judging how you sound, or if you spilled something on your shirt and they are silently laughing at you.
I guarantee that’s not what they are thinking. Chances are, they are jealous of your ability. They admire your courage for being able to sing in front of people because that is something they would never dare to do.
It is hard to believe that people really think like that. But it can also be a reason we sing quieter than our natural voice allows us to.
Another crippling effect of having a phobia surrounded by singing is being afraid to sing loud. Not necessarily loud and obnoxious, but loud enough to be heard well in performance. This includes singing with or without a microphone.
A small majority of singers love to sing and do so very well in a choir. Why? They are very uncomfortable singing by themselves. If you ask them to sing by themselves, it could be very hard to hear. They prefer to sing with others for the security it affords.
It may be because somebody told them to stop singing so loud. This very scenario happened to me several times in high school. I was told to back off and try to blend in a little more, which is essential when singing in a choir. I applied the suggestions with a light heart, knowing that solos were my chance to sing out.
It also may be because someone commented on how bad you sound, or how bad you think you sound. I hear this again and again from students about how they sound terrible. They use this excuse as the reason to not sing louder.
I gently informed them that they should leave the judgment of how they sounded to a teacher or someone who is trained to recognize a good voice.
You might also suffer from phonophobia, which is a fear of loud sounds, and not wish to create that effect for anyone else by singing at a high decibel.
For any fear, there is a reason we are afraid of that specific thing or idea. While that might take a while to get to the root of, there are solutions to work towards.
I will discuss ways to not be scared about solos next.
I’m sure you have heard the old trick that many people swear by when they sing in front of others.
“Picture them in their underwear, you’ll laugh, and you won’t be nervous anymore”
I don’t know if that’s the magic solution for you, but if it works, it might be a good start in the right direction. Every singer should be comfortable no matter where they are performing.
It takes years of experience, different venues and situations, and often a change in mindset to not get nervous.
However, you will hear many renowned singers and artists still admit that they are nervous before a performance.
According to Grammy, Adele, Ozzy Osbourne, and Eddie Van Halen are among top artists who get extreme stage fright and sickness before a show. So how do they overcome it?
Here are a few ideas from the aforementioned article:
This is a great place to start with how to conquer your fear. Let me share with you some other resources for a stable singing experience.
WikiHow published a fantastic article with simple solutions for singing in front of crowds. Here are some of my favorites:
Here are a few other articles that might help you feel less scared about singing in public
You may be thinking that singing is still quite scary. It might always be scary for you.
Remember that girl from the beginning? What happened to her?
One day this girl decided that no matter how scared she was, she would go for it.
So she did.
It wasn’t a life-changing experience, but it was progress.
She believed her passion for singing was worth every scared fiber in her being.
She promised herself to always remember the feeling of accomplishing her goal of singing in front of people to the best of her ability.
Do you love to sing? Do you want to become a better vocalist and reach people with your gift?
You can’t stop singing because you are afraid! Imagine how many concerts Adele must have in a year. If she can make it through feeling sick before every single concert and still perform incredible music, you can, too.
Whether you suffer from the fear of singing in public or singing too loud, there are many simple solutions and factors to each person’s fear of singing.
It will take time and work to create a solution that works for you as a singer. Know that it will be worth it when you step onto your next stage and perform like you never have before.
What was your scariest singing situation? Do you still have them? How did you get over it?
I’d love to know. Please comment below.
Good luck with your next singing venture! I wish you all the best.
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The girl in the story sounds exactly like me apart from successfully singing in the end. I'm not sure that it's entirely me being worried about sounding bad, but I think I just don't even want to be heard by others. I'm not worried about performing or stage fright or anything like that. I just can't even bring myself to sing at home alone in my room because I don't want anybody to hear me, as I live with my family, with 5 other people. Do you have any advice to help overcome this problem?
I am aware that everyone reading this post will have a somewhat different experience. I grew up with 6 siblings, and there were definitely times where I just preferred to sing alone. One time, I sang in front of them and got the words wrong, and they all laughed really hard at me. So I kind of made a promise that I would not sing in front of them a lot (at least not loudly).
Do you have a belief that others don't want to hear you?
What kind of thoughts come from the phrase "I don't want anybody to hear me"?
Do you even want to sing out loud?
These are all questions you can ask yourself, and reflect on where this is coming from. If you see it as a problem, looking interiorly and noticing the emotions and where you feel these thoughts in your body can also lead you somewhere. Let me know if you would like help walking through this. I'd be happy to hop on a Zoom call and help you through this. Peace to you in this process!
I have loved singing all my life. I could sing in front of others with no problem in elementary school. Now anytime I try to sing in front of others (alone on stage) I have to struggle so much to get my voice to cooperate! I auditioned recently to serve on the worship team at church, and it was a hot mess. They said my tone was good and that I have a good ear, however I KNOW I could have done much much better than what I gave at that audition. Very disappointed with my performance. Would love to overcome this problem!
Keep trying, Sarah! It could be that you have some thoughts around singing and it might help for you to work through those with a trained mindset coach. Just an idea.
I've always been afraid to sing because when I was on stage I was in a group, we started singing and I was the only one that actually sang. Everyone else left me in the dirt. This has really helped me and I will definately be using it, thank you so much!
Thanks for the comment! I can relate on that, I was one of the only ones who actually sang out in my choir as a freshman in high school. The rest of them sang super quiet or just mouthed the words. Ugh...hang in there and keep it up!
I feel very much like Kevin Dixon described, who commented above. Speaking for myself, I'm not looking for advice, but just understanding.
I see American society (I'm not familiar with other societies particularly well, so I'll talk about what I have at least some personal experience with, namely American society) divided roughly into three groups: (1) people who have no trouble singing in any situation and tend to be sort of Pollyanna-ish about anyone who (in their view) won't; (2) people who are shy/fearful/reluctant about singing, but somehow overcome the shyness (and then are so thrilled, they are convinced anyone can overcome this barrier, often if they just follow their advice, which they offer at every opportunity, if not more frequently); and (3) people who have a deep-seated barrier in their sub/unconscious (the group I'm in, and I would guess Kevin is in also). Web sites like this are for Group 2. What Group 3 people want is *understanding*. This means don't give them advice and tell them your story about how you overcame your fear of singing. This just makes it all the more painful. Group 1 people (and transformed Group 2 people), don't put Group 3 people on the spot and put them in a situation where they are expected to sing, like in a karaoke bar. Understand this causes *enormous* pain. This is like forcing someone with a morbid fear of flying onto a plane. It's not like they're going to enjoy the flight once they get a taste of the feeling of flying. They will be emotional basket cases. Likewise with singing. This may be nearly impossible for Group 1 and the transformed Group 2 people to understand. Group 3 people need only your understanding. There is probably no way to overcome the power of what lies beneath the conscious mind. The cause is not a case of someone telling me when I was young I could not sing -- no one told me that. It's not that I'm tone-deaf, at least that's not something I'm concerned about. It is not the case of stage fright (I regularly give lectures -- well, until Covid -- to audiences of hundreds without the slightest discomfort, as I am an expert in my field with immense confidence in what I am saying). Drawing on the humor I include in my lectures, I've even done a bit of amateur stand-up comedy. No fear or discomfort. Singing is completely different. I don't even sing when I'm alone. I might hum lightly, but that's about it. A complete disconnect is that I like to listen to lots of male singers who do pop (to me, it is incomprehensible how they do it). My family and social circle just view me as weird. No one expresses any sympathy or understanding. Even psychologists I've seen quickly jump into, "try this, or try that", not, "oh, I understand". Voice teachers I've talked to are even worse in this regard. Having this fear (fear is a mild term for this) is a huge loss, and what a huge loss usually calls for is sympathy and understanding, not unsolicited advice for how to fix the loss. Tracing things back to a time when (I think) I would sing as a child, I've tried to figure out what happened along the way. The most distinct thing is that by high school, there were no boys in chorus. It was socially not acceptable to be in chorus. I'd like to hear from other men that that was the case when they were in high school. In elementary school, I recall the entire class was the chorus, both boys and girls. I recall having no problem. Another distinct thing is that boys became more reserved emotionally in junior high and high school, another social "norm". Girls had no problem being emotional, which seems to be what is required to sing. In any case, I'd guess that the society I grew up in conditioned my sub/unconscious, set up this immense barrier, and that's where I am now. Now living in a society that largely has this "get over it" posture, with all sorts of "advice", just hardens this barrier. It seems the understanding we Group 3 people (almost entirely men) need is genuine understanding and sympathy, much like you might give to a friend whose beloved pet has just died. The fear of singing is that painful. No advice, just understanding and sympathy. Most likely few or no words. Certainly no stories about how you were in that situation, and somehow got out. If you do want to respond, I'd like to hear from those who, in particular, saw that pattern of no boys in chorus, and why that might be.
I don’t know if I will ever be able to sing in front of people. I’m a father of two and a husband and that has never been a comfortable mask I wear.
Singing is one of the most vulnerable things some one can do and I’ve told people my whole life I can do it but was always to afraid to actually prove it to them.
At home I’m husband and dad. To my co workers im a hard worker, to my clients I’m a good artist. I just don’t know if there’s a place in my life to unveil this gift I’ve kept hidden for so long.
Thank you for writing this article but it seems like the advice is always the same and I don’t know if that would be motivation enough for me. Just something I’ll have to live with.
Dear Kevin, I feel exactly the same as you. I know I'm hiding a jewel that may never be revealed to others, there is a barrier that I can understand why I can't surpass. I only sing when I know I'm completely alone. And when I see and hear others breaking that barrier I shatter into tears.
This may sound terrible but I think that If I reveal it, it will become just another thing I excel at and will sink into oblivion with me like the rest of the things everyone knows I'm very good at and take for granted.
Maybe singing just for us is more than enough. Maybe we just should do it without expecting much from it.
Our greatest fear is often how great we can become. If there is a desire here, gentlemen, it is God-given, and it should be explored! God wants us to excel and be happy and free and joyful! Let me know if I can help in any way.
I have this feeling that my voice is crap because I have a best friend that my family is very close with and she is very talented with singing. My parents are always joking about how she will be on a singing competition someday and stuff. And I used to sing in a choir and I enjoyed it but I think my voice just isn’t that great. Who knows if I’ll ever sing out loud to my family or friends ever.
Who told you you don't sing well? You? Someone else? Singing is a skill, and like all skills, it can be learned and improved upon, no matter what your natural "talent" is. Grit and determination can take you much further in singing than talent can. YOU determine how far you want to go with your voice. If you enjoy it, it's definitely worth pursuing and growing the skill! I believe in you, now believe in yourself!
Hi, Kevin! Thanks for your comment! I commend you for being open and vulnerable about this; it is extremely difficult. However, if this is a dream or desire you have, you need to find a way to make it happen! What are you really afraid of? If you know you can sing well, it could be something else. You could absolutely share your gift by singing for or with your children. Would your wife enjoy being sung to? Please reach out if you need any further help! You've got this; I believe you can do this, you CAN find a way!
Amazing post! Thanks a lot for the information. I will give it a go and try to stop being afraid of what others think!
I am on my way to find my truth voice! Singing is definitely the one think I’ve always dreamed about doing when I was I grownup but life (my farther saying you should study something useful and then you can do your hobby) took me to a different path.
Thanks again!
You've got this, Madelayne! Singing is like praying twice, so I figure that's a good reason as any! Lift your voice to the mountains!
Amen! Gessica.
Thanks for the comment, Angela!